I recently was invited to a very small gathering of friends, all of whom are quite close to one another. While not so much a part of this group, I have known many of them for 25 or more years, and was warmly welcomed.
There was one couple there I didn’t know—except I’d met the woman in passing, and knew she was a “renowned” healer whose expertise extended to a large presence she’d made for herself in national media on radio, television, and in print.
I’d always been both a little intimidated by her, and, admittedly, slightly judgmental, assuming some level of insincerity perhaps…or lack of depth. This in spite of my awareness of her very sweet, loving, heartful, innocent, and playful nature! No doubt my seemingly oft-present inferiority feelings played into a need to view her with suspicion.
Something this group of friends regularly do—and of which I was unaware—is have “circles;” that is, they sit and pass a talking stick to share with honesty and depth what is up for them, with no one interrupting as long as the one speaking is holding the stick. This evening was no exception, and so after a lovely dinner, the circle began.
When it was her turn, what came out of the healer’s mouth surprised & shocked me…and also eviscerated all my judgments in one instant. She shared how she had been through some massive health struggles, almost feeling like she was dying for several years. She also shared that she often feels suicidal, due to her sensitivity not matching what feels compatible for her on this plane of existence. My heart softened completely, to find that this “intimidating” and “famous” person was so much just like me on the inside!!
It was an absolutely incredible moment for me, deeply humbling and heart-opening, reminding me of that famous statement that we often “compare our insides to other people’s outsides.” The personas we see others portraying in the world—or even, our view of them no matter how humbly they present, can be so completely off from their inner struggles. And, most everyone has some inner struggles, lest we forget! It was next my turn to share, and I found myself unexpectedly able to share on more honest levels than I had intended, thanks to her bravery.
I never suspected when I went to this friendly social event, that I would emerge with such an awareness of the inner pains and common struggles of even those I might think as “having it all together,” as well as a profound sense of finding such a mirror sitting right next to me. It was a great, unexpected gift from a setting in which I did not at all expect it.
We never know what dropping pretensions and being real will gift to us! What similar experiences have you had? Leave a comment below. It is helpful for all of us to share our authentic human vulnerabilities!
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